Transcriptions

The Caregiver's Cure

Transcription for Episode 2

INTRO-

Hi, I'm Courtney Green! I'm a dog mom of 5 rescues, a full-time foster mama and I rescue tons of other animals like bunnies, chickens, and guinea pigs as well. It's safe to say this mama million has her hands full and it doesn't stop there. I own an award-winning dog Walking Company, Dog Squad LA and I also run an online business all cater to dog parents like you. That's a lot of things, right? But I know how important my energy is when it comes to being around animals. So, I don't waste a ton of time stressing about all of the little things and I'd be lying if I told you that it came naturally to me. In fact, I've made it my mission to continuously work on bettering myself because, “Better human, better dogs”. You see, dogs are a direct reflection of their human and once were you really uncracked that, everything becomes a whole lot easier. So, that's what we're going to do together. Each week I'm going to explore a revolutionary approach to dog parenting, positivity, mindset and everything in between. All designed to help you take immediate action on the most important work when it comes to raising a dog. So, thank you for being here and tuning in and Thank Dog It's Friday!

 

EPISODE-

You're listening to the Thank Dog It's Friday podcast episode number two.

Hey there, it's Courtney! I'm so excited to be here today and I can't even believe that it's the last Friday of September. I'm actually pretty excited for the fall season to start it's my favorite season and I love the last 90 days of the year. I'm naturally a very goal-oriented person. So, just this last push of anything that you can get done in the last 90 days of the year. It's just really exciting for me. 

So, I can't wait to get this fucking thing started in October. I'm ready for the pumpkin spice and everything. Actually, no I'm not. I don't really like pumpkin stuff but ginger maybe. 

Anyway, so today we're going to be talking about something a lot deeper than I originally wanted to talk about in episode number 2. But it's something that's been on my heart and my mind so I'm just going to go with my gut and I just want to dive deep in it. 

Part of what we're talking about today I did a quick Instagram video and I posted it and I got a lot of feedback. It really resonated with a lot of people. So, I'm going to dive a lot deeper into it and just so the suspense isn't just building up over and over. We're going to be talking about caregivers today and usually when people hear caregiver they think of the professional caregiver or a family member most of the time someone who's a paid helper who regularly looks out for a child or someone who's sick like an elderly person or maybe someone who's disabled but when I'm talking about a caregiver I'm talking about those real MVPs in the family maybe if you, most likely you, that really just do it all you know the one that you could always rely on the one that's always there to help the one who put their needs and priorities second over everyone else's that's who I'm talking to today because a lot of caregivers and a lot of people who I see you know as dog parents we are caregivers. We're taking care of dogs. We're taking care of kids. We're taking care of our partners. Sometimes on older parents you know it just depends who are taken care of but turns out to be that when you're a caregiver your priorities most often are not your priorities. They're everyone else's priorities. So, for the most part, your day starts already on someone else's agenda or someone else's schedule. 

So, the reason why I wanted to start off as talking about caregivers and really diving deep into, you know, when did this start and all the questions were going to be getting into in this episode the reason why I wanted to start with this is because no one starts there no one is really looking at what needs to be changed on a foundation level for the caregiver because what happens is the caregiver is always looking out for everyone else and sometimes they don't have time to look out for themselves and some people don't have amazing people in their lives that, you know, make them set boundaries make them do things that look out for themselves but for those of you who identify as a caregiver and feel like they're in season of chaos or feel like they're not in the season of chaos but want to listen to this because they want to prep for it or even if you aren't a caregiver don't resonate with this at all I am a hundred percent positive that you have someone very close to you who is someone that resonates with this so I really want to dive deep into this and see you know where all of this started when did it escalate if it did really and if some of these things are leaking into other parts of our lives where we don't realize that they are so that's what we're going to be doing today.

So just to dive in a lot of this podcast is going to be about asking questions. I always encourage people to dive deeper, to think things through to do the research to not get someone else's opinion and make it their own. to do everything possible you know not on an obsessive level but just efficiently do everything possible so that you can make the best decision for yourself and for your family. 

so when I say life is all about asking better questions even with that.. Stop and question it.. what the fuck do you mean Court what do you mean by that? so what I mean by life is all about asking better questions is when you say I'm a caregiver... or say you know there's other words for caregivers but you know if you resonate with someone who gets all the things done who does majority of the things in the household like you know taking care of the kids doing all of the errands booking all of the appointments doing all of the pickups walking the dog looking up all of the places that they're going to go planning vacations just the person who has you know the agenda of everyone's life and they're responsible for it...

 so the questions that I want you to ask is when did this start you know if I identify as a caregiver if I identify as someone who is at a majority level responsible for a big chunk of things in the household then I want you to dig deeper and say okay when did this start.

It's really easy to say caregiving started when you were a young child if you had a parent who worked a lot or a parent who you know struggled with addiction or you helped with the siblings a lot or you were just really responsible whatever your situation is a lot of people go there but if that's not your immediate story that comes to mind just dig a little deeper.

For me, it took me a little bit longer because I had a grandmother who took care of pretty much all of the things I wasn't a latchkey kid who had to come home and make her own food and do all of these things and I really had everything set up for me but my grandma she's a tough woman she didn't spoil me to the point where some parents they really just do all of the things for their kids while their kids, sit on the couch or do their own thing and they get kind of catered to that's not how I grew up at all. my grandma might kick my butt for even telling this story but back in the day when my grandma would cook dinner anyone would prepare food in the house she would say, hey Courtney we made this do you want to plate and I would say yeah I want to plate and then she'd say cool go get it or all right go get up and get your plate you know and that's just how I grew up she taught me to be very self-sufficient very independent I never saw it as a bad thing as a kid you only know one way as a child.  it wasn't until later when I stepped out of my house and I was going to sleepovers and even way down the line going to college where I realized how sheltered some people were but I became a caregiver because I had to do a lot of things for myself and I recognized early on that some people probably want to break from doing everything themselves so I became addicted to taking things off of someone else's to-do list because I was hoping that would happen for me and I know this is probably ringing some bells for some of you because you treat people the way that you want to be treated right.

So as a very young kid this really became my foundation for taking care of other people and I've always had a very strong connection with animals. I literally was born and wanted a puppy probably so that was my way of taking care. I found a bird I found a butterfly roly-poly snails literally anything my poor family had to deal with so many things that I would bring into the house and they would have no idea until it was right in front of them but that's really how I became a caregiver and as I grew older I started you know growing into that aspect of wanting to get things off of people’s to-do lists like I said 

but for you it could have been you had a parent who worked a lot you had a single mom or you had a family member who struggled with addiction and you had to help with siblings or a lot of stories that I hear of how caregiving really started so really you know at the end of this I'm going to be giving you guys you know a summary of all of the things that we're going through because we're going to be answering a lot of big questions but later on when you have some time to yourself I do want you to start to think about when did this start is it something that happened way younger and has gradually just escalated or is it something that has just started in your adulthood when you became a parent or when you got a dog or when you had a younger sibling that needed some help and you became the person that was helping them throughout you know when they got out of school whatever the situation is, just work through that for yourself and do it without distractions. 

So the next question that I kind of just led into is.. ask yourself when did it escalate if it did so really as you can see I'm talking to the people that feel as though they are kind of out of control and when I say out of control I don't mean on a chaos level at all times I mean you are people-pleasing you're doing things now because it's no longer oh I just want to help people now you feel oh I have to show up because who's going to do it if I don't or you don't like saying no or you don't know how to so this is really what I'm talking about when I say when did it escalate is when did it become oh I just love helping people to I don't know how to say no and set boundaries and start doing things for myself because I know a lot of us I'm right there with you guys when you're saying yes and you want to do things and you're helping people and you love what you do it's so hard to draw a line between oh this is what I love doing I love helping people and on the other side of it it's oh this is what I have to do because I'm reliable because I've been known for this or because no one else is going to do it if I don’t. There's a very fine line that needs to be drawn and that's kind of my motive here is for you guys to think back when did it escalate and that can get very personal that can get to a time where you don't necessarily know when something happened in your life that triggered some kind of reaction for you to feel that you always do want to people please to feel like you always need to say yes because you don't like confrontation or you don't want to have some kind of reaction or you don't want to let someone down or hurt their feelings there's so many things that go beyond why you may be feeling like you're out of control like you can't say no like you can't stop helping and we're going to be getting into a lot of this in future episodes but the reason why I want to start here is because you're not going to be able to take care of your pet or anything else in your life like yourself your family your career you're not going to be able to excel in that if you're not looking at these things if you're not doing this inner work so you have to say okay when did these feelings of being out of control start then what did it come from.

Then also ask, when did it start leaking into other aspects of my life outside of just helping people. so what I want to get into next is there something that is going on in your daily routine that is starting to leak into other aspects of your life say you wake up I'm just going to go with the scenario that resonates with me and my personal life for the last several years so as you guys know I have a dog-walking company and my schedule is a combination of about 60 other people's schedules and in the beginning when you're starting a business you do everything you can to grow your name to be reliable to get your clients and then there comes a point where you start to have to have a schedule that works for you and I had a very hard time and I still do I'm still in this season where I'm trying to balance it out but I have a very hard time saying oh my god I love this I love these dogs I don't want to miss out on opportunities I have FOMO fear of missing out on opportunities to hang out with these dogs I really have a hard time letting go with that but then again that's that line again where there's a very hard fine line where I really love what I do and I want to do it and then it's another fine line where I have that reputation of being reliable and I don't want to necessarily start taking time off for myself and my own pets and my own wants and dreams because I'm so stuck in that well this is what I'm known for I've always been reliable if I don't who's going to do it well what if they don't do as good of a job as me so that's when I had to start thinking oh if I can't make decisions for something that I want and it's truly hurting me inside and I'm starting to get triggered by other things because I'm not making moves on the actions that I actually want to take and that's when I had to stop and say alright this is triggering me let's rewind and then rewind again and then sometimes you need to go back even further way to the root and say what is going on here and so I just wanted to walk you guys through that whole process.

So for me morning routines are essential I have to have them I have to have a morning routine and I'm not going to lie I'm not perfect there's plenty of times where I snooze my phone about 30 times and I swear Tony wants to pack up his stuff and leave because he could wake up immediately after the first alarm and he's like can you just shut it up or get up like what is going on but he's just the nicest human ever so he just like deals with it but for me my mornings again are a combination of other people's schedules so a lot of the times I have to shoot out of my house very early and just sit in traffic for a long time in order to get to where I need to be to help everyone else out and especially when it's hot I have to do that to get dogs out before it gets too hot so without getting into too much detail my mornings if you guys know by the intro I have over 20 animals depending on when you're listening to this I may have more who knows so I have over 20 animals so I have to wake up really early to not only get myself taken care of but all of my animals taken care of so in a season where my job needs me to be somewhere early mornings are chaotic there is no other word to describe it but chaotic.

 I have a million things to do and most the time I'm running out of the house without my hair fully done nothing on my face as in other than sunscreen so my mascara is not done which if your eyelashes aren't good for me that's like that's my thing so if there's all these things that are happening in my mornings and I identify as someone who already has chaotic mornings because the last few years have proven that every morning I don't get my breakfast all I'm doing is taking care of everyone else I open my eyes and I'm already filling water bowls filling food bowls  doing all of the things that you do when you live on a farm and then I got a rush out and then start the whole business aspect of things and then I have all of these things people are reaching out to me as you can see mornings are chaotic.. right you get the point

 so if I identify as someone who has chaotic morning's and then I'm trying to do something in the morning like have a peaceful morning for once with my dogs but then my dog for instance I have a puppy right now who I'm fostering and he loves to do this thing where when you're walking with the bowl he'll just pop up and Boop it so if you have a full bowl of water or food or anything you know damn well that's going to hit the floor or it's going to pop up and spill so say my identity is I am someone who has chaotic mornings and I'm feeding the dogs I'm trying to rush out to get to work and then fargy comes in bops my bowl and water spills everywhere all over the clothes that I just half-assed threw on you know that's gonna hurt that's going to stop me right. its really is going to stab me but instead if I dig deeper into okay  why do I identify as someone who has chaotic mornings and can I tell myself a different story every time I wake up when I wake up with that pit in my stomach of anxiety or stress or anything on those days where you know you have a lot to take care of a lot of things on your list and you know you're likely not going to get the things that you want or need to get done for yourself it's another one of those days and the second you open your eyes you know and you feel that I know we've all been there at some point in our lives right so if that is the case instead of letting that continue for the day and festering the entire morning and then into the afternoon and and so on instead stop and say alright I'm going to stop identifying with someone who has busy, chaotic mornings instead I'm going to have peaceful morning I'm going to start my days for me even if that means 20 minutes I'm going to start my days for me and I'm going to change the story of how I see morning's.

Then you start to get in the habit of seeing other things that are triggering you and then you make changes and I won't get too far ahead of myself because we're going to be talking a lot about identity and making changes in response to noticing triggers in a lot of future episodes but I really wanted to give an example for you guys on asking yourself the question when did that start leaking into other parts of your life for me it's the morning routine and my inability to say no to some people to claim some space in the mornings has made my story that I am a person who has chaotic mornings which means every morning I do something that makes that story true. so dig a little deeper if your resonating with any of this and even if you're not you need to dig deeper in this because there's something in your day if you're constantly caught up in this hamster wheel of helping other people and not taking the time to think things through for yourself these are the things that we need to do whatever it takes for you to get this time in but if you can do it without distractions or with a journal you know I love journaling some people aren't like that but if you can just say it out loud talk it through while you're doing the laundry just think it through when it's quiet however you do it just do the work for yourself because you're worth it

What I'm going to be getting into next is going to be something that it's going to hit home for some people but it's also going to be very hard to hear for a lot of people and again I'm talking to those people that feel like they're in a season where things are really hard where they have a lot of things that they're responsible for or they may not necessarily feel like they're getting a lot of help and support from people and their family people in their household maybe their friend group maybe people from work they're just feeling like they have a lot. they're feeling heavy and if this is you or this is someone that's close to you this is really really going to help you and maybe you can send this to them and really help them get through this journey because it's only a season it does not last. none of this last none of it does this too shall pass that is something I tell myself every single day probably since I was about fifteen years old I've wanted it tattooed for almost every now and I just need to go do it but you know caregivers you put everything that you want to do to the end.

 Wow what a circle right okay so what I wanted to bring up is burnout means you're doing something that doesn’t make your soul dance anymore. so if you feel burnt out if you feel like you're in a season where you're just so tired and you're waking up and you're just everything feels heavy you need to ask for help and this is what I'm going to say that's not going to be easy to hear because I needed to give myself this advice and I wanted to tell myself to shut the fuck up. so guys I'm sorry but you just need to hear it so if you're asking for help in your household or at work or you know we're going to be getting a lot into dogs I'm very surprised I'm not giving a lot of examples for dogs but again I want to make this about you about us about the mom and the dad so if you have trouble asking for help or if you ask for help and you're not necessarily getting it we need to talk about that. First, if you're asking for help from say your husband your wife your kids and you're not getting that means that you need to set boundaries and also you need to say is it worth the energy even asking for help if I know I'm not going to get it if I know I'm not going to get it for my kids why won't I just stop complaining about the money aspect of it and just throw the money on the situation and get an amazing dog walker an amazing trainer an amazing other caregiver an amazing house cleaner someone who cleans your car whatever it is someone who cooks your food just if you're complaining about something that should be a signal that you're not taking full responsibility for it because if you're asking for help and it's not getting done then pay for the help because if you pay for it and they're not helping you fire them. next! and you find someone that makes you feel like god damn I just got a break I'm gonna go get my nails done I'm going to go get my hair did I'm talking to you men - I'm going to go get my hair buzzed whatever you do. so you know you just need to ask for help and then keep asking for it and keep demanding and making your boundaries set that says this is what I need and I'm going to get it whether it's from this person or not because look you're not saying I want help and it only needs to be from my husband or my wife or my kids because look if you're asking for help and they're not doing it they're telling you they don't want to do it or they're straight up saying no I don't want to do the dishes I don't want to walk the dog I don't want to help with the dogs potty training I don't want to take the kids to practice on all of these days I want to instead do this and for myself whatever the situation is.

Whether they're blatantly saying they don't want to help or they're showing it with their actions that is enough for you to say okay they're not helping me so I don't need the help from them I just need the help it's a different conversation to say no I want my partner to do this I'm the one who's doing all this work look at this equity look at all of these things that I'm doing here look at this and admit and I did I completed this and then I picked up and then all of that added added up all of these things right but at the end of the day there is no scoreboard there shouldn't be a scoreboard and also you can't you as a person you find I'm getting into a rant here so try and stay with me you find your personal value in things that you do and that's not necessarily a great thing right you say okay if I go to college if I had this amazing job if I married a perfect person if I do this for them and I do that for them if I show them that I'm the best employee by doing this this and that you you feel most of the time your value is in things that you do but you can't have that same perspective for your partner for your kids for other people when it comes to getting help so if you feel like you're doing all of these things and you're helping so many people and you have all of these things that you're doing on a daily basis but you don't feel that other people are putting in that same amount of energy or effort or love or sweat fill in the blank if you don't feel that then you're going to continue to have this trigger inside of feeling like they owe you something a feeling like there's a scoreboard like they have to do it but if the problem is you just need the help you just want some time to get back for yourself to put yourself first then it's not a conversation of whether it's your kids or your husband or your friend or your roommate or your parents or whoever it is that you want help from that's not the conversation that's a different conversation and this is a really hard pill to swallow because a lot of us don't think it's fair right we don't think it's fair to have all of the responsibility when someone else gets less responsibility and they're kind of just flying through and they don't have to deal with all of the things that are driving you crazy but we have to pay attention to how much energy we're actually putting into the problem.

 We're not putting energy into the solution, we're putting all of our energy into the problem. And we're going to be getting a lot into energy. But I just want us to be aware of this as caregivers, as people that feel like we're carrying a lot of load, right? We're carrying a lot of load. We just have to be cautious of if we feel like we are doing a lot and we're spending a lot of our energy on things that are outside of us. We need to remember what we're actually in control of and that's how we feel and how we react to what other people are doing. So, if we can take a step back and say, “Okay, maybe this isn't how I wanted the help but in order for me to get where I need to be whether that's, I want peace, whether or not I need time to get this project done or whether that's whatever.” In order for you to get that done, you just need to do whatever you need to do. Hire someone, swap time with a mom at school. you don't have to spend money. 

Whatever it is do what you have to do to get the help and just stop and recognize, “Is it the conversation if I want this person to help me or is this a conversation if I just want the help?” Okay, so that's all what I have to say for asking for help. 

And another thing that I want to dive into that might not be very hard to hear, is when you're not acknowledging all of these things and you feel like you're doing all of the work and you're not getting help and you're not saying what you truly feel and you have all of this stuff boiling up inside of you and you have a new dog or you have a dog who hasn't been exercised because you've been so busy. So, they have all of this pent-up energy or you think that you're doing the right things for your dog by walking them doing the regular feeding and exercising and this and that. But they've kind of plateaued and they're not really getting their best needs met then they might be acting out right and whether that's barking out the window or reacting to dogs behind a fence when you're on a walk or lunging at people or, you know, chewing on the rug. There could be a lot of things that your dog does especially if they're a puppy and it's a new dog or you just got a second dog or maybe it's just you're in a season of chaos and your dog is a direct reflection of you. So, they're in a season of payoff as well and they're triggering you a lot. I want you guys to get in the habit of trying to catch yourself of blaming it on the dog because I'm going to be so upfront with you guys right now with my life and be extremely transparent as many of you know, we're fostering a puppy right now who is a German Shepherd. He's a beautiful dog, he's such a good dog but he came in a time in my life where I was dealing with health issues that I got extremely big news that is life-changing that really was a very vulnerable sticky situation for me and I just felt on eggshells the whole time. And we got this dog because he was Tony who is my partner and my boyfriend. His family couldn't keep him anymore and of course we didn't want him to end up in the shelter. So, we brought him in because we don't know how to say no. So, that's a whole other thing of not speaking your truth and the feelings that you just boil up inside over and over time and I, you know, we didn't. We knew we weren't going to get him a home right away because he is a big dog and we wanted to get him neutered. He was an outside dog before we wanted to get him, you know, potty trained, house trained, get him the works done because we have the skill we have time and space. So, we thought, you know, let's do something really amazing for this dog and then get him a home and I fostered before and, you know, everyone sees me with my million dogs and thinks every dog that comes in my home is going to stay there forever. But we really have the intention of finding him a home. But it's been very hard and we got him at the beginning of the summer. So, no one really has. Everyone had vacations and yadda-yadda. So, he's been here and he's a large dog and I, and we have five other dogs in our house. We have bunnies, we have chickens, we have guinea pigs, we have other dogs who stay with us who are our clients dogs. So, we have a lot of things going on and when we bring in dogs we usually are very intentional with them being an energetic match for the whole household. But for this given the circumstance we kind of ignored that when we knew he's a large dog. He's not, you know, trained or any of this because he's an outside dog as at that point and he's a puppy and I know more than anyone that puppies are a lot of work. They are so much work. Anyone who is raising a puppy right now if you know them, take them out for a fucking spa day because they are a lot of work, right? 

So, in that case he came in where not only was I building this second business. I got this really bad news about my health. That's been years and years of me trying to figure out and I finally got the news I was trying to switch up my schedule which is really hard because again, I'm a people pleaser and I also love what I do. So, I wish to send this weird state and then “bam!” we get this huge dog who's a puppy and who needs all of this extra work. So again, I felt like here goes another thing which as bad as it sounds. Again, I'm just being a hundred percent transparent in the beginning. It was all fun and rainbows but then everyone knows that honeymoon phase ends and then after a few months of us not finding him a home, the reality hit where there was another responsibility that I took in because I wasn't paying attention to me just saying, “Yes, yes, yes!” And then all of the sudden, all of the needs that I needed to get done for myself have been pushed back to God knows when, right? 

So, what my point is, he is a very good excuse to blame all of my problems on, right? And I'm going to be honest I do, not every single day, on my bad days. And the reason why I'm bringing this up is because I really feel like it's going to help at least someone. Because I'm seeing it in a lot of people right now a lot of people have reached out to me on Instagram, a couple of my clients are going through it, that's why I made that original video in the first place just to address anyone who is also going through this. But it is very easy to, especially a puppy or a rescue who's dealing with some kind of problem like separation anxiety or they're having accidents in the house and it's just harder than usual to get them on board on flow of things with your routine. And then you're going through this time where, you know, you feel like your needs aren't getting met. You're always doing all of these things, you don't have any time and you don't see any way out. And then you have this dog who is triggering you. And the problem is people do not recognize that they can't change the trigger. They could work on that obviously and they could try and have their dog be trained and  you know, any trigger, you can make it better but you can't always eliminate the trigger. You have to stop, rethink how you're going to approach it. Reframe your mindset and then work backwards by not changing the trigger but by changing your reaction and how you identify when that trigger comes about.

So, just like I said earlier of him my foster dog booping the water. if I was having a bad day and I was already identifying as having a really bad morning and I was caught up and I had to leave and take care of a million things for the day and I knew I wasn't going to get around to what I needed to get around to. If that happens my whole day, I could easily say, "Oh fargy fucked up my day. He did this. He ruined my clothes I had to go in there and change my clothes." And then I was late for work because I ran into traffic and then this and that and all of these things that were likely my fault, right? Because I didn't wake up early enough or I prolonged it or I was scrolling on social too long or I snooze my phone whatever the situation is that I am complaining. So, I'm not taking full responsibility for my actions. In that case, I'm instead using Fargi as the easiest target in the house, right? He's not going to talk back and say, "Hey man that's not cool I didn't do shit to you." He's not going to do that. So, he's the easiest one in the house not though maybe the other dog that you've had for a long time who's already been through this. They've done the same exact thing to you but maybe it was such a sensitive part of your life or maybe it wasn't a dog, it was a friend or a family member fill in the blank. 

Any, at any time I say dog or kid or you can insert anything in there for any type of relationship that you have but the point really is, stop yourself and think, "Okay, my dog just triggered me right now. Why is him barking out the window? Making me feel like it's the end of the world. Why is him pulling and pulling and pulling and pulling on this walk? Making me feel like I can't do this anymore. What is it today in comparison to yesterday that I wasn't feeling like this? What is on my mind that is doing this because I'm telling you guys I have seen entire seasons of pet families not acknowledge this and blame the dog the entire dogs puppyhood. So, the whole time from the dog was like two months old - the dog was like seven months old that phase were it's hard and you have to do the work not only the work for your dog but the work for yourself that inner work to get where you want to be for yourself and for your dog you have to do that work. Especially in those special times between those few months where the dog is growing, learning, seeing what his place is in the household. So, instead of using your dog as an easy target to blame all of your problems on, I want you to use your dog as a mirror to say, "Okay, if he's triggering me more than usual today but he's always barking like this. He's just a pain in the ass sometimes or he's always which we're going to get into how you can get your dogs not to bark a lot and not to do all of these things later on." But use your dog as a mirror to say, "Okay this is exactly what is going on right now. Yes, my dog is annoying me. Yes, I can improve on his training. Yes, I could do this and that." But I recognize something deeper is going on. I recognize that this is actually not his fault. This is something that I did in my routine. My day that I could take full responsibility for and not blame or this is something that I haven't dealt with on an emotional level that is I feel like I'm on pins and needles right now. So, anything that is triggering me is going to get, you know, an angry "stop it" or, you know, a bad reaction not great energy from me, right? So, I  just want you to get in the habit of stopping and acknowledging, "Okay, my dog is not who I'm going to blame” My dog is who I'm going to use as a mirror to say, "how can I stop and say I am triggered by this right now? Why am I triggered by this? What is actually going on?" Again, ask yourself better questions not why the fuck is my dog pissing me off? Why I teach my dog? Why isn't he doing this? I walked in earlier why, why, why, why? Instead, what am I doing that is making all of these things feel like it's the end of the world? What is happening on a subconscious level? What am I dealing with emotionally that I'm not acknowledging that it's actually hurting me. You frustrating me that I'm not dealing with and I'm trying to push way down and my energy is saying one thing but I'm saying no I'm cool, I'm good. My dog is the problem. My dog is chewing the rug. My dog is the reason why I'm late today. My dog, my kid, my husband, my wife might fill in the blank, right?

Okay, so, we talked about asking for help and we talked about catching yourself complaining and using that as a signal to take full responsibility for what you're doing. So, what I want to do is in every episode I'm going to give you a bunch of information. Hopefully a lot of inspiration as well. But then I want to leave you guys with some exercises. Some tactical things that you can actually leave with and do now. Not tomorrow, not next month, not January 1st, now! 

So, what I want you guys to do is to take at least 10 minutes in silence, or just time for yourself . Demand the time. This is your time for yourself and if this is the first 10 minutes that you've had for yourself, where you're going to demand? Good for you, I  am right there with you. I still have to practice demanding my time as well. So, I want you guys to take 10 minutes to answer the questions that we all talked about all of these questions these big ones that we dove into today. how you define yourself and identify as a caregiver? When did you start  identifying as a caregiver? Did it start in your early childhood? Is it something that happened when you became a parent or when you became a dog mom or dad? Did you start to feel out of control? When did that start to escalate? Is it starting to leak into other parts of your life? Am I using my dog as a mirror or am I using my dog as something to blame? Ask yourself these questions. If you're going through a season, where you're feeling like you're out of control of your time, of your schedule, of your energy, of everything. Just out of control, whatever that means for you. Just ask yourself these questions. Take the time 10 minutes. Put a timer on and if you can't do it right now, what you can do is take 20 seconds to open up your phone and set a reminder for a time that, you know, later on that is convenient for you to do it. Don't set it for 6:30 p.m. when, you know, that's the time, right? When you walk in the house and you have to do all of these things, right? Set it for a time like 7:15 where,  you know, that's the first second that you're finally sitting down and possibly making yourself a cup of tea or some lunch or something. So, set it for a time where, you know, you're setting yourself up for success. And then what I want you to do next is I want you to start planning out three things that you're going to start doing for yourself every single day. Three things and if this sounds like a lot for you, then you definitely need to do this work. So, for me this could look like for three things that I'm going to do for myself. I'm going to wake up 45 minutes earlier than everyone else and that's going to be my time. I'm going to be a monster about it no one's going to fuck with that time, right? That's mine, my time to do whatever I want before anyone else wakes up. I'm going to make sure that my morning routine doesn't consist of me waking up and immediately filling up everyone else's cups. It's going to be my cup that it gets filled first. So, that's the first thing I'm going to do. The next thing I'm going to do. I'm going to stretch every single day. Because, a power plant needs to generate energy, right? They need to create energy. It just doesn't appear. So, for me I need to create energy. So, I need to stretch if I feel achy all the time I need to change that. So, for my second thing it's stretching and my third thing is being cautious of when I'm eating and what I'm eating. Because I have a very bad problem of feeding everyone else in the house. Taking care of everyone else. Shooting out of the house starting my day off at work. Not eating anything, getting home, eating a snack, that's probably not healthy for myself and then several hours later I hit, you know, the time 6 o'clock where everyone's done for the day and I finally may get some time for myself. But what happens, I am dead as shit because I didn't do anything like stretching or eating on time or eating the right things to make sure that I had the energy by the time I was done with everyone else to do what I needed to do for myself. So, there are my three things guys. 

So, what I want you guys to do, I want you to one, take 10 minutes so that you can answer the questions and dig deeper on when all of these started. When it escalated all of the things that we went over today and then, two, you're going to plan out three things and if you can do more go for it. But I don't want you guys to get too overwhelmed and think, Oh! This is too much and start to see it as more things on your to-do list we're not going to do that guys we're not going to put this on our mental list and say, “Oh, it is just more things that I have to do. Absolutely not this is something that you're going to be doing for yourself. This is going to be the most important thing that you do because this whether it's rest or just doing something for you it's going to be so substantially significant for your life because the more things that you do for yourself that's going to build your self-integrity. So, if you say, “Oh, I'm going to workout every day or I'm going to get my body moving for 30 minutes whether that's walking or whatever. If you're going to do that for yourself and you do it and you hold your word and your promise and you actually keep with it, you're going to feel so damn good about it and next time that you say, “Oh, I'm going to do this for my dog. I'm going to do this for this person. I'm going to do this…” Your subconscious is going to believe it and your success rate for getting things done is going to be so much higher than if you were to just not do these things. 

So, instead of saying I'm going to add these three things to my list and it's just going to be another thing on my list. This is a completely different list baby girl and all you guys out there this is a completely different list. This is a list of what I’m going to do for myself. That is going to help me feel integrity. It's going to make me feel like my word to myself which is the easiest word to break. It's going to make me feel like my word to myself means something. So, your word for everything else is going to be so much more powerful. I really hope that is speaking with you guys, I don't want you to get overwhelmed by this. I don't want you to think, “Oh, I'm not going to be doing these things in a few days. I'm going to forget about... I don't have time for this.” No, you make time for things that are important to you and in this moment you're going to make the decision that you are worthy, you are important and you are going to do these things that are important to you. Because if you can't do these things for yourself, you're not going to be able to keep doing everything else for everyone for much longer, right? 

Alright guys I know I went on a little bit longer than I wanted to but I hope this really helps someone because I personally feel like with all of the launches that I have going on and I have a foster dog, I have all of my animals and I have my clients and my team is growing as well. I'm so fortunate and I'm a multi passionate person. So, honestly if I had only one or two things I would be bored. So, I need this kind of busy, busy in a way. But again that's a story I tell myself. That's another question I could ask myself. “Do I really or is that something that I'm just telling myself So that I feel comfortable staying here?” So again, just to leave you on that, life is all about asking better questions. So, as you're going on your day today and you're getting into the weekend, just really try and ask yourself as many questions as possible. We're going to be doing a lot of this work together but I just wanted to get you started and again. If you're a caregiver and if you feel like you're doing a lot, I just want to give you all of my love. I'm sending you all of my fucking good vibes, my dog vibes, everything because you really have my heart. Anyone who really is able to sacrifice their wants and needs to put things that they want to do on a daily basis. Small things like, watering their garden, you know, like that bothers me when I can't water my plants. I know that sounds so simple but if you're in a boat where you are putting yourself second or third or fifth or a 100, just make a decision today that you're not going to wait for one day anymore, right? 

 

I said I was done but obviously, I'm so passionate about this I have more to say. Just don't wait for one day because crazy stuff happens and you might not have that day, right? You might not have tomorrow. So, make choices like these three things that you're going to do every day so that when you put your head on that pillow at the end of the night you say not only did I kill it today by not by helping all of these amazing people and animals and businesses or whatever you do. But I also showed up for myself the best way I could and I am so damn proud of myself for doing it because I guarantee you are going to be so proud that you're showing up for yourself. Especially if it's been so many seasons of you saying next Friday, next month, maybe in the fall, maybe in January, maybe when the kids... this may be when I find that perfect person for my team, maybe when this person finally shows me that they're ready to step up. No none of that's maybe it's on now. So go out there, ask better questions, demand your boundaries, identify as the most badass caregiver on the block in the world. Because you have everything in you that it takes to have the life that you want and all it does, all it needs is you starting and saying, “I am worthy of more. I deserve things just as much as the people and pets that I'm helping. Just as much as they deserve it I deserve it.” Alright guys, whoa! Thank Dog It's Friday after that one,  right? I am so happy we got through that because I know that was a little heavier than I wanted to start off the podcast but it's usually this heavy inner work that we need to start with and lay the foundation for. So, that we can get through these smaller things because like all of us know when we're ignoring the big things it is heavy, it is way harder to just tackle these tiny little things when we're just adding things to our purse. Adding things to our backpack, right? So, let's take a few things off our shoulders so that we have the freedom, the energy, the will. Want the love to give to animals and to the people around us so that we can show up the best way that we can. Alright guys, have a beautiful day, have a beautiful weekend and I can't wait to see you guys next week. Bye!

 

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